the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
