Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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