i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
