he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
