No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
