Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
