you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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