Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
