Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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