Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
