Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
