and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
