I wanna bring you to show and tell
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
