I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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