My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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