You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
