where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
