Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
