If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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