I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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