I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
