my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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