Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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