mondays should just be called national damage control day
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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