I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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