I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
