found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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