I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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