i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
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I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
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All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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