I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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