I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
