the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
