dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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