She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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