I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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