i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
