He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
