i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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