Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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