Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
