a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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