I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
