I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
