She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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