Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
