I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
