didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
