Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Randomize
