Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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