I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
