when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
