Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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