my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just had sex on a roof
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
