why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
