I need to stop coming to work sober
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
