I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
