some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We got so high we made milksteak
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
