I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
