you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
