i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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