Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
