We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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