so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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