Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
