I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
