I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
This girl is more easily done than said...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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