Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
