She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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