just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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