I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
