I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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