I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize