My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
