Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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