I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
