wanna go halves on a baby?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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