I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think a kid would responsible me up
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I need to sanitize my soul.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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