Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You ruined the universe
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