How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
