So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
