remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I checked into jail on foursquare
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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