no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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